Bits & Bytes


  • Drat! Misquoted agin!--On NBC's Late Night with Conan O'Brian, a portrayal of President Clinton responded to the allegations surrounding former intern Monica Lewinsky. "I never told her to lie in the deposition," he asserted, "I told her to 'lie there in dat position!'"
  • Clinton's "presidency" to be "cut short"?--Unconfirmed reports state that Hillary Clinton is considering appointing Lorena Bobbit as a "special advisor."
  • In almost unrelated news-- The January 24 Herald-Times reported a court orer stating any woman who plans to go to bed with Jerrime Day of Orlando, FL must sign a consent form in front of a witness acknowledging the fact that Day is HIV-positive. If only Bill Clinton had to go through such procedures, maybe he wouldn't be in as much trouble as he is!
  • He has something to look forward to--Of a speech by Al Gore at the University of Illinois, a student remarked, "he was completely enthused." We think we know why Al's happy, but it remains to be answered HOW this student could TELL that he was 'enthused."
  • What next, black helicopters at Camp David?--In a rare moment of paranoia, Hillary Clinton asserted that the sexual misconduct allegations against President Clinton are part of a "vast right-wing conspiracy." Click here to find out more!

Eric Seymour

Robert Schiener

Bryan Wilhelm

Bryant Lewis
Joel Corbin