Guide To Academic Newspeak

(from a text written by a student at Harvard Divinity School, 1989)

What they say and what they really mean:

Gender--radical feminism

Oppressors--white male heterosexuals

Bias--basing scholarship on reason and evidence

Patriarchical Models--objectivity, logic, rational discourse, mathematics, science, the Bible, the U.S. Constitution, family values, motherhood and apple pie

Politically Aware--politically far-left

Being Divisive--deviating from the beliefs of the politically aware (see Politically Aware); synonymous with being hostile

Guilt--feeling bad about your genes, but not about your actions

Diversity--the gathering together of as large a group as possible of discontents, deviants and social misfits while excluding, suppressing and bashing conservatives, Republicans, evangelicals, adherents of historical religions, serious students and anyone resistant to indoctrination

Sensitivity--being deferential toward and extraordinarily circumspect around those included in diversity while gratuitously attacking those excluded from diversity (see Diversity)

Being Exclusive--providing equal opportunity and equal protection under the law, regardless of race or sex

Victims--all those not fitting the definition of oppressor (see Oppressors) and officially recognized far-left groups; does not include refugees from leftist totalitarian countries, such as Vietnamese boat people, Cuban immigrants, etc.

Sexism--the discrimination against and stereotyping of women OR the failure to discriminate against and stereotype men

Racism--the belief held by white oppressors (see Oppressors) that their race is superior to that of non-white victims (see Victims) OR the failure to apologize for one's own race if that race should be white; term is not applicable to non-whites

Moderates--the Sandinistas, Castro, Lenin, Mao, Hillary Clinton and all those who are politically aware (see Politically Aware)

Ultra-Conservatives/The Far Right--all those to the right of moderates (see Moderates)

Leftists--the empty set; exist only in the rhetoric of ultra-conservatives (see Ultra-Conservatives)

Inclusive Language--an ostentatious form of new speak which seeks to remove the generic use of 'man' and 'he' (along with common sense and eloquence) from the language, e.g. "What are persons, that thou art mindful of her/him? and the child of persons, that thou doest care for him/her?"

Censorship--a good thing when done by politically aware (see Politically Aware), e.g. punishing owners of baseball teams for alleged comments made during private conversations; a bad thing when done by ultra-conservatives (see Ultra-Conservatives), e.g. efforts to stop making taxpayers pay for photographs of men urinating into the mouths of other men and the like

1. an activity self-righteously pursued by the politically aware;
2. an activity considered criminal when the icons of the politically aware are involved (see Politically Aware)

Mike Trotzke

Sean Frick

Eric Seymour